May 16, 2021

The secret to success through the lens of Ana Beatrice Trinidad

The secret to success through the lens of Ana Beatrice Trinidad

Bea is a young writer, entrepreneur, podcast host and food lover. Born and raised in the Philippines, Bea moved to Australia to pursue a career, ran a restaurant for 5 years and then finally came back home. In this episode she talks about learning to navigate through the world of relationships, journaling and how a toxic relationship and her love for food put her on the journey to research happiness. This is her story.


Bea Trinidad hosts a 'blind leading the blind' podcast on smarter love— Thirsty and Thirty.

She also works with chefs and foodies as the PR & Communications Manager in Center for Culinary Arts, Manila. 

She writes about food, culture, and relationships. You can reach her on Twitter and Instagram.

Transcript

Malini Sarma:

Hi Bea thank you so much for joining the show. I'm so excited to talk to you today.

Bea:

So why like I think we've had a bit of pre chat before. And I'm, I just think you're such a great souls. I'm excited to be here.

Malini Sarma:

Oh, I think you know, I think we have, we've had so much fun talking. I'm glad and remember to press the record button as

Bea:

time goes by so fast when I chat with you, but I think very few people can make someone feel comfortable. And I think you do that. So well.

Malini Sarma:

Oh, thank you. So you are right now in the Philippines. Right. You were born and brought up there?

Bea:

Yes, I was. Yeah, I was born here, raised here. And yeah, my Philippine at heart. I think

Malini Sarma:

you should tell me a little more about growing up in the Philippines. What was the like your family? I know. You know, Philippines is very much family oriented. You know. Education is very important. You know, everybody is very much engaged in, like, family, businesses together and stuff like that. So tell me a little bit more of a kid growing up. What were some of the most memorable experiences as you're growing up?

Bea:

You're spot on, though. Like it's such a familiar, like, it's all about family. And when you grew up, you have a big family besides just your immediate, there's relatives, there's friends of friends. We are a big telenovela are like a soap opera. And the emotions are so high like people always say we're not really, Asians like we're Latinos are like very a lot of Spanish blood in us. And growing up in that. There was never such a boring moment, because you had an uncle that was crazy. You had a cousin that was like, just the cheeky his person and growing up around that you're just so open to many characters. And I think the biggest, the biggest, or the best memories, for me are really the dining around the dining table. I mean, food brings people together. But in particularly this country, we love to eat. While we're eating. We're already talking about what we're going to eat in the next meal while we're still eating. And that was just fun. Like I remember Sunday lunches, and we would eat and then sleep and then wake up and then Chad. It was it was basically very slot like Sunday. And yeah, those are always the dining table is my favorite place and just really unites people.

Malini Sarma:

Yeah, I love you know, the food, I think unites a lot of people too. Right. So it's just the process of making the food. I think that's the is the journey, right? That itself is kind of get everybody together. So growing up, did you have an inkling as to what you wanted to do when you grew up? Or, you know, did you have like role models? Which is your parents like tell you Okay, this is what we want you to do? How was that growing up?

Bea:

I forgot to mention do like we're gonna die right dining table, I always think that cooking together is like free family therapy. And I think being I don't even spend on therapy just make pasta together. Together because there's so much talking that needs to happen and communication that it's it's magical, but sometimes it can also be very dense in the kitchen. In terms of role models, I grew up around the kitchen, seeing my grandmother and my mother cook. So it was something that I really loved it was either there are only two things that really boundless and my childhood number one is food. It was always around so I thought I wanted to be in the kitchen. And then the second was like books with my mom, there was a one rule she had like you with any toy, there was always like a budget, like there was always one, you can only buy one toy but when it came to like books, she was like you can buy as many as you want. And to me that was like the most exciting thing being around books and food. So there were many I went through many phases as most women do. I don't know if there's a lot of women that just get it direct to the point but I definitely went through being a chef being a restaurant reviewer and and our writer agenda journalists like all these things. But one thing that really united all of that is my love for communication. Because as I was young, I really spent a lot of time alone. And I just was very hungry for that communication with my parents with people like even stranger. So yeah, in a sense, my mom and grandmother gave me the spell of wanting to work around food, though, is the main goal. I said, if I could get paid and food, that's okay, I can die already.

Malini Sarma:

That's awesome. Now what I do relate, I can relate, you know, in most Asian households, I think food is the most important meal. And you're like, every festival has its own special menu. And you know, so i think i think that brings a certain level of excitement to the, to the whole experience. Right? So you, you said you like love reading and you love communications? Is that what you ended up studying? When you grew up?

Bea:

Yes. So essentially, I don't know if this comment in your culture. But when I went to a state university here, and I, when I was listing the courses, because you could pick three, I chose one of the highest are the hardest courses to get into because as like, if I get in there, at least It's good, right? Parents are happy, the entire family's satisfied, I have not brought any disgrace in them. And then the second one, I picked my mom's course, which is accounting because I thought you know, as you do, you follow your mom, or you thought it was either an accountant doctor or lawyer very traditional roles. And I just knew that I was okay in math. So I was like, I'm gonna go for accounting. And then the third I put mass communication, which is kind of broadcasting and this this country, and I got in accounting. And I started doing all the balancing of assets and liabilities. And I remember I just remember in college, I was hanging out with a lot of athletes and people that like to drink. So I was still doing good in school, but I was not excited with assets and liabilities. I was excited more of the people I hung out with outside the classroom. So I was like, This is not for me. And then I got I got my heart broken, not really heartbroken, it was just like puppy loves was gonna end. And then I decided okay, I can't be stuck in this in between of just numbers. And going out like it was either are like I couldn't find the balance of productivity and fun. And then I decided to move to Australia, because I lived so close to my college and you know, you could just walk to my college, but I think my parents felt like it was unsafe, you know, in the Philippines, very sheltered. Sometimes you live in your parents for a long time. And I was walking one day, I was like, I need to get out. I just need something. I need something different. Rather than walking two or three kilometers, going to school, going back to home, passing a church and basically say, home the charity education you

Malini Sarma:

every day all the time, nothing new, right?

Bea:

I don't know if you can relate. It's just, I can't talk to you a little bit.

Malini Sarma:

So yeah, your parents reaction when you said I'm going to move to Australia, or did you have to like come up with a plan and she makes sure that you know, they were okay with it. You know, did they help you fund it? Or did you have to fund it yourself?

Bea:

So definitely, they're my friends are always you need to plan no matter what. So if I wanted something, you got a big cookies to get it and all those little things. And so when I said I was gonna move to Australia, I think they didn't think I was serious. But they said okay, you can go but you have to go where your ideas which is in Melbourne. Now the point I want to be away from me. And but I compromised because I was trying to apply to Sydney, Singapore, the US all these different places that are compromised and when I went to Melbourne, because that's the closest thing as an eldest child, I think your parents is stricter with you than any other. So I you know, you know, why did why

Malini Sarma:

Australia why Australia?

Bea:

So my auntie was there she was living in Melbourne with her two kids and my uncle. And I guess my mom just knew that if I were to move there, she wouldn't have to worry worry. Okay. Okay. Yeah, so don't really believe me. I think they don't believe I would actually proceed with a plan and I did go week before, a week before school start that in Melbourne. Someone wrote a letter like you have to be here. Okay, I'm going by. And I think they were a bit shocked, but they kind of knew I was that kind of person that just if I wanted something, I just get it done and They just hear about it. So I was lucky enough, they did help me out. And yeah, they, I think they were pretty supportive about that.

Malini Sarma:

But you ended up staying there for almost 10 years, right?

Bea:

Yes. I was supposed to stay there for two to three years and then to the detriment of my mom, every time she would ask me, when would when are you going home? Every year, I was like, I just want to work for a bit, you know, whether it was a waitressing job, a media job, like I just, I loved the life so much, or the freedom or the way you could explore yourself, in a sense that not your entire family was on the bandwagon of drag the view. But I just, you know, you get addicted to a place.

Malini Sarma:

So, so help manage that. And I think and I think I do know the answer. Because if it's anything like the Indian culture, like you know, when your family's around, so it's like, you go to the market and then the neighbor sees you at somebody and they go home and tell you mothers and guess where I saw your you know, you're in a movie theaters like Oh, she's with her friends. It's like, everybody's keeping an eye on you. It's like, everybody's in everybody's business was the kind of like that in the Philippines.

Bea:

Yes, for sure. I think when we were young, like, you know, when you get a little bit of trouble, I loved escaping from school, not only boys, but to get food. I was always just going across the road to find a lunch that I wanted, because I didn't like the food and the canteen. And I remember we got caught like a big group of eyes. Some people were going out for boys and I was going out for French fries. And they're like, you went out for French fries? Like, yeah, it was, it was a joy. Like, you know, it's as simple things like, sneaking in a bag of fries and be like, Well, I have something that no one else in school,

Unknown:

right?

Bea:

Everyone is in your business, but I think they do it sometimes in a in concern or in gentlemen. So it's uh, you don't know, sometimes the judgment is masters concern and vice versa. To judge definitely my mom and dad would be on the speed dial of a lot of people I can imagine

Malini Sarma:

to you, you got into a lot of trouble.

Bea:

I would say I was a pretty good kid. But I would say I'd have a streak of rebellion that maybe they weren't aware of. A little bit but in, in the books and on paper. I was okay. Okay. I wasn't less than child.

Malini Sarma:

So so your love for food? Is that what Trent? Is that? What? translated to you wanting to start a restaurant? Because you started? Are you a co owner of a restaurant in Australia? How How did all that come about?

Bea:

I was always around business people. So my mom and dad were heavily into business like restaurants and culinary school, as well as my entire family. So I was around it so much. And every time our family would travel in Australia, there would be so much businesses that were progressive. So we would spend time looking at restaurants cafes. So it was kind of imprinted in me that at some point I would do business. Yeah, I never really knew if I wanted it. I just knew that. I was I was surrounded by it. And it was what I knew you could earn money from or have built a life around. So it was just at some point it was going to happen. I did meet a man in Australia, a chef. And that was pretty much where it started having our restaurant together and I would say getting worse than getting married. I'm not worried. But like being in business together is pretty much like being married. Yeah. Because you're always together, you do make all your decisions together right here to get approval from each other for doing everything. Yes, I mean, think you see a lot of like the true test of a person through that. And when I look back at that, I don't think we should have done it so early on. I don't know if we did it. I honestly forget the date, but I think it was three to five years in probably three years and we did the restaurant and I would say it was a good experience like really telling experience but it was too early on. I wouldn't recommend people get into business with their partner so quickly. without really knowing the kind of person they Your width and moreover, the compatibility of your values and all that jazz.

Malini Sarma:

So you will say, so you would say, you would the, the I, let's put it this way, your partner's your compatibility with your partner is more important than whatever business you're going into, because that will decide how you approach problems and how you solve them.

Bea:

Yeah, for sure, it's like how you see people, how you treat people how you see money, or you see situations, and it's okay to have differences. I think as long as you can talk about it in a calm manner. And no other, you know, substances or toxicity comes in the relationship and resentment. I think when the resentment starts, you need to understand why you resent each other, right? Because if you don't, then it starts to build up. Because in my head, he was a chef, and in my head, like I had a family business that was, restaurants are kind of thought in my head, I understood, but you like maybe 20s, you have so much growing up to do. And it was probably better that I learned from someone else in the industry that was not my partner, rather than learning from your partner, because it is a grueling experience for him and myself, like both of us, like, I'm trying to learn from him. But maybe he's not the best person to teach me and this. Yeah.

Malini Sarma:

It's kind of like, you'll never learn how to drive with your husband, because he's the worst teacher.

Bea:

I've seen. How is it hard for you to learn? Did you learn driving through your husband? Oh, oh, heck, no, no, no, no, no,

Malini Sarma:

no, listen, I'm saying so. Yeah. Like you said, he learned from somebody else. Because then you know, because all the yelling and the screaming that happens.

Bea:

word that I guess just so like, you lose a lot of like, what they say is like, oh, have a day of for date night. And it's like, how can you and you die? Right? Like, or you're looking? Like, okay, let's watch a movie after it. Yeah, yeah, his

Malini Sarma:

yoke is I do know, rugby. And running a restaurant is one of the most difficult and hard working, you know, it's like, you have to put so much of effort for that to be a success in most businesses, especially restaurants fail in the first six months, right? Because it's, it is continuous It is day in and day out. And there's not a day of rest. When you're resting, you're probably going to the market and buying things or testing the recipes, or you know, the kinds of things it is extremely difficult to run a restaurant so and you were able to do it for five years,

Bea:

five years. So I have to say that, you know, when coming into a partnership like that, there has to be an agreement of time and how much effort because in my head, I was going to work a full time job. And I was going to do it at night. And I would try to do it in my free time. So I was working in media. And my other partner he dedicated he really focused on the business. And when I look at that, it is very uneven. And I think we didn't agree on that. And maybe that's where the resentment build, because I would have a life outside of it. While the other person really just involved themselves and one thing, right. Yeah, it was. I would say it would have been really it was a lot. I think I do I knees when you so wanted to just enjoy yourself meet people. I think it does trap you. But I also feel for the other person because there was no other there was no other. There's no escape. Right? Yeah, I had an escape in some sense, but maybe that's where the attention was missing.

Malini Sarma:

So what happened? After you shut it down? Did you just come back home? Did you stay were there what happened after?

Bea:

Um, it was a few more months, but I decided I when we sold the restaurant, I was going to move back. So I I think that was about three years or so ago that I moved back to the country. And he came with me, or three or four, I think four years already that he moved back with me. And it was we were I remember so clearly we were in a Italian restaurant. And we were talking about our plan to move back. And already we've had issues then but we this Cast that we would make it work no matter what, because we spend so much time together. And I'm a very optimistic person, maybe by default and our wife, you know, it sometimes it's good to be a realist. You ask yourself a lot of questions. So I said, No, it's okay. We were in a, we were eating pasta. We went, we walked in a park, and I just thought, Okay, this is gonna work. It's just the two of us, right? Like, we trust each other. We've been we've already got through all the 10 year. I mean, the lot, the long haul, and I said, we're gonna make it work. But I underestimated the ability to do it. I think his personality and his values that I underestimated the difference of our values, because I thought, if he came here, he would be flexible, or the people around me would be flexible to him.

Unknown:

He was not Filipino. I just thought he was not a Filipino. Yeah, he was.

Bea:

He was Australian. And, yeah, I just underestimated the difference. Like, you know, Australians are very individualistic, they don't hang out every Sunday with their family. Very few Australians do that. And he did not understand that when he got here. because like you said, Every family person is in your business, or they are involved in your life. And I think when you got here, there was really not enough time to spend together. And I was working in the family business. And if we did, it was very isolating, because it was just the two of us. I think it was really hard for him, because there's a very polite country. Very pleasant, very cheerful, very, that they don't like tension that much. There are fights, but you wouldn't naturally have an argument in the dining table. It would be all laughter. And in Australia, he was very used to conflict and tension, and just bringing up how he felt. And in this place, it's considered sometimes rude, rude.

Malini Sarma:

private businesses, private business, right?

Bea:

Yeah, it's, um, you know, I was also very, I think, immature to handle the situation. Because I, I allowed everyone to get involved, rather than just keeping it between the two of us and protecting the other person as well. Yeah,

Malini Sarma:

I think that was that's a there's a cultural difference, too, right? Because when you're there, you will, following whatever rules are over there. But when you come back home, is like completely different. You know, you're in the you're in the he would have been in the minority. And that would have been hard. It's,

Bea:

I think it was very challenging and very lonely place for him. And to me, it was they Oh, you can handle anything we I can handle anything we've been through so much. What is this? It's just the last haul. But it, it just became so clear the difference of how we treat family, how we see raising children, how we see business, and so many there were moments of it was it worked, but there were moments that were very dark, I would say,

Malini Sarma:

yeah. And so the relationship ended up being really toxic for you to at some point, you're like, Okay, this is this. Is it more done? In How did you come to that decision? It must have been so hard, especially when you spend so much time together?

Bea:

Yeah, it went by so fast like he was, you know, I stayed in Australia for 10 years. And majority of that was with him. So a lot of the memories were tied into that. But I really had glimpses in the beginning. But sometimes you just ignore it because you think empathy or patience or caring for people is the ultimate definition of love and concern. And I just started to notice that it was getting toxic when there was some sort of abuse, emotionally and kind of physically. Because we did run a bar, there was a lot of alcohol involved. And I didn't think that would bring the best out of both of us because I am a very calm person, but I think some rage came out of me and the same of him because so much resentment was there. And it just got really abusive in the sense that you never think it's going to happen to you. You never think like you always think I'm going to be the good person like when we fight and we'll be very calm. But when it happens to you, let's say when you first get hit like, are you? When there's yelling, you get shocked. And you're like, Oh, it's just, it's just alcohol or just the, the spur of the moment. So it was a long time coming. I think it was 10 years, we had kind of a split halfway through. And then I, when I forgave them, or like we decided to reconcile, and I think I should have just stopped there. But I kept going.

Malini Sarma:

Keep finding excuses, right? We're like, no, maybe one more maybe, maybe it's maybe it's me, maybe it's like, yeah, I think Yeah,

Bea:

yeah, it was 10 years of basically finding a way to be like, okay, it is, you can't manage this person, you can control what he does. So it's you can control and you can, you can handle situation differently. So I always thought, in some sense, I had a role to play. And maybe I did, and for sure I did like it takes to write. But in hindsight, when I look at that, I should have just pulled the pin, you know, just stop the abuse of happiness, because I thought, every time if this got even a fight got resolved. If I, if we fix that, the abuse would stop, or the fighting would stop. But there was something in the fighting, that was some completely different from what the issues were. And it's the level of unhappiness or unsatisfaction of the other person, and you can't give them that. And I in the last year of him being here, it was just constant fighting, it would either be really, really relaxed, but it would only have to be the two of us, and no one else, or just tension. And I started to think like, this is really no way to live. This is really no way to be, you know, crying all the time. Just getting upset, not hiding the fights, and lying to people that were close to me, and always pretending to be okay, because I would never tell anyone what was happening, what we would fight about. But you know, your family and your friends, they know when you're unhappy. And pretty much you can predict when I'm unhappy or happy. Right? And they could they could tell.

Malini Sarma:

And so once you once you kind of ended that relationship, you do feel a whole lot better, like free, because you didn't have that thing hanging over your head. And you'd have to worry about somebody, you know, taking off on you or, you know, being wild and crazy in public or embarrassing you you're, you know, saying something and making you cry. How do you feel after all that was done.

Bea:

I didn't realize how heavy of a weight that was. And I think it was also for him. I just sensed it took some time. It wasn't like overnight, I definitely had a few moments like my sister and I talked with for work. And I was, you know, I was just in a mood of just like, I'm gonna do whatever I want, like, just be free, as being in the relationship was a little bit. It wasn't freeing, it was very, I was such an anxious person constantly, like trying to understand how I can make this better. And I realized nothing I could have, I couldn't make this better. It had to be the other person committing to be like, this stops now. And I had a few moments of just not really caring what I was doing. I was either just gonna have fun, and just go with the flow. And I remember one trip we had and you know, we were in a good beautiful place. I think it was Helsinki and I was really unhappy. I was I was very social, but I was a very unhappy person. And at that time, I was just, you know what you're feeling like you're not in your body.

Malini Sarma:

It's like you're watching yourself from 5000 feet, right?

Bea:

Yeah, that's what I thought. been through this whole 10 year thing doesn't seem like it's, you know, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. That's like what the momentary things that you could do is eat good food, see a nice place, but it wasn't really answering the question of what's going to make you happy, right? And I remember someone brought up research and happiness and I was I was going through a couple years of thinking everything was irrational, and there could never be logic applied. The life that you could never predict. I was basically dating someone who is like, Hunter S. Thompson. And just, you know, those people that push themselves to the edge. And yeah, it got to a point like, Okay, that was kind of a lightbulb moment be like, okay, happiness, there is a science to it, the things that you put in your body, how you think there are books written about this. And I had to that's kind of where I go, okay, like, you got to start making a little bit of changes. But yeah,

Malini Sarma:

and so what happened next?

Bea:

It took some time, it took a bit of it started out with what I know best, or like, what I love is food. I started trying to just eat clean me, I started not to drink. And one of the things that I did in that year, when I got back from that trip was journaling. It's so simple to bet on paper, but putting your thoughts on paper, and having thoughts that start out as good rather than anger is so empowering. Like, I can't explain it enough to women that you feel like writing something on paper is useless. But just do it every day. Ask yourself really crazy questions like, how would you like to die? Or what is life about and answer them. And in the end of the year, you'd feel so much more relieved, that you know yourself better. And I spent a year like that, you know, drinking a cup of tea, or sometimes even a glass of wine with my journal and, and I slowly slowly started to see a change. But it took a while It took about I would say three, three years, because it was like a year of someone here. You're in a bit. And honestly, I because it was such a well, this time, my timelines are way off. But I, after my trip, I started to heal myself.

Unknown:

That's good. And

Malini Sarma:

so in so me, Well, you know, you had like, five, more than five years of you know, it's like it's not gonna took five years to get there is definitely going to take, hopefully won't take that long. But it took you long enough for you to kind of come back to your baseline right of how you're, you've learned so much and all of the time. But then you also started a podcast that talks about relationships, and you talk about entrepreneurial and success. So what's well how did that come about?

Bea:

Okay, so, last year, during the pandemic, I had so many plans about, you know, traveling, pursuing my work for the culinary school, our family business, CCA, Manila and COVID happen. And you know, you were forced to be at home again and be actually a month before COVID I had chicken box. Oh, no, I was already in. I was already in quarantine for a month before COVID. So and, you know, my doctors, like you should have had the vaccine. Like, I don't understand why you didn't have chickenpox. I was like, You know what, I don't know, that I was already just being by myself by then. And when COVID happened, I was like, Okay, this is another one. Yeah, it's the world is going through this. You're not alone. And you've spent already the year beforehand, in your own thoughts. What's another year, within a few months when we all thought about a few months ago, around August? I think I was kind of in a virtual romancer I don't know what you call it a virtual friendship. And there was a misunderstanding about communication. That was a word that was used. And this person used the word in a bit and you know, you realize like, you spend so much time trying to find a partner of course, it's different in your culture, because those are arranged right. In our family like we fight against arranged marriage. They sometimes give in but we don't have the formalities and at that time, use the word in a bit. And I remember telling my friend I was like, really confused as men like they. He said in a call unibead which is a few hours. Think in a bed. That's like two minutes to me. Of course you're like, you don't want to be a needy woman. That's like two minutes is up. That is enough. bit. And then I just discussed friends and I was like, This is funny, right? Like, you know, we spend our time trying to find a soul mate a partner and, and in a bit can put you off. My friend is like, you know, I've always wanted to start a podcast on relationships I like wait a minute, like, that's not my career. No, no, I'm not gonna do it and I was laughing I was like, Okay, I'm not gonna do it. I am not gonna reveal all like the things I worry about, and I'm anxious about on a show.

Unknown:

And

Bea:

I remember I was in my family home one of the quarantine weeks and I said, Yeah, my friend, my childhood friend wants to do a podcast and they're like, you should do it, like be controversial at once, because I think they think I'm free spirited, but not controversial. I would always be

Malini Sarma:

the oldest good child, you know, you always follow the rules, right? Like, do something different.

Bea:

Or if I break it, it would be underground. Like, they just discover it.

Unknown:

And then so

Bea:

I was like, I'm okay. I was like, by no drive, what am I going to do Jerry COVID. work, and I need some kind of hobby. And so we did it. And what I realized and all the topics we've discussed, from infidelity, from ghosting, from virtual dating, from flirting, all these things like, I came across this quote from Esther Burrell, who is a known relationship expert, and she says, something like the lines of the quality of your relationship, determine the quality of your life. And I just think about it so much. I've spent, you know, I'm 31. And I worked so hard in school, and I worked so hard and live and clocking in the hours. But fundamentally, my success was influenced by my relationships, if I was not in a happy place with people, my success did not follow. You know, some of my happiest moments was probably when my relationship was sane, and healthy and beautiful. Like, and I started to meet women that were just so anxious, like they I'm sure you've got this in your show, right? Whether there are worries that people have, and I'm like, if I just learned to be kinder in my relationships, and the people that were interacting with me, were kinder to me, we would have a better chance of success.

Malini Sarma:

Right? You will have to probably be kind to yourself first.

Unknown:

Right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah,

Bea:

that's a tough one. I think you beat yourself so hard and ourselves a lot. Like when we make mistakes when we either blame ourselves or don't take the blame,

Unknown:

right.

Bea:

And finding the balance in between is like one of the toughest things you can do. Right? Yeah. And I was like, okay, like, that's the big question mark, I have right now, if I fix my not fix, if I make my relationships flourish? will it lead to all the goals or work stuff I want to do?

Malini Sarma:

I think i think i think it may be the other way around. If you win, if you're in love with yourself, then everybody else will fall in love with you, because they want to be with you. It took me a long time to understand that, you know, because it's, what was your lightbulb moment,

Bea:

by the way? I'm curious.

Malini Sarma:

My light bulb moment was, you know, I'm by nature, I'm a very positive person. I find it very hard to stay down in the dumps. It's very exhausting. And, you know, when you were like it, like just like how you said it was, you realize that you can control other people. You can only control your reaction to whatever situation is around you. And the moment I realized that, it was, Oh, it was like, amazing, because I might wait, I'm not responsible. If that person is in a bad mood. am I responsible? If that person is yelling and screaming in public, or you know, or doing something? I am not responsible for another person's happiness. I'm only responsible for me. But that doesn't happen unless you look at you and you fall in love with you. I love me. Oh my gosh, I would mind living my whole life with me, because I'm so awesome. sounds corny,

Unknown:

but it's like, yeah,

Malini Sarma:

this is great. But the moment you Do that. It's like, everybody's like, What? What does she have? You know, what does she have for breakfast, I want to have what she is. But it's just the way you look at life, and then you realize that it isn't that bad. You know, people are looking at life, it's because you know, they always say, if you have anxiety, it's because you're worried about the future. And if you have any, if you have depression, it's because you're worried about the past. So if we just focus on the present, everything will fall into place. So that's the way I look at it. You know, life's too short, I got so many things.

Unknown:

I'm sorry.

Bea:

Yeah, being present is through being present is so tough. I know that a lot of people are talking about this, whether they're meditating, just enjoying every moment, but it's so tough because the world builds, you know, from college to even in our program, people are always having to think so forward, or look back at their experiences, when in reality, it's like, I don't know, like, it's not worth it. You can make yourself anxious.

Malini Sarma:

You can only plan so much, you know, there's, there's only so much you can do. So you plan for that. And if it doesn't work out, something else will pan out. But you know, it takes a long, it does take a while to finally come around to that, right? Because you're like, you're like no, everything has to be the way you plan it. Well, man proposes and God disposes. So, you know, it's like, you can only plan so much. And after that you can just like go with the flow. That's what that Yeah. After some because it's not worth it. It really isn't. Yeah, but looking back at all. Yeah, I

Bea:

think it was a power of now I think you were saying it, you know, by being now. And one of the things that I realize is that freedom is for like your quest for freedom is forever. I don't think you're there's one specific moment. But yeah, I do think looking back,

Malini Sarma:

and looking back at all your experiences, you know, and knowing what you know, now, what would you tell your younger self?

Bea:

Everything I'm still telling her now.

Malini Sarma:

You're still learning? Right? I mean, there's so anything

Bea:

I tell myself?

Unknown:

Yeah.

Bea:

I know that you can. I spent a lot of time I find peace and walking and writing. And what I tell myself is just you need to take it day by day and not get attached to outcome. And enjoy every moment. I know that sounds like a cliche, but the minute you get so attached to an outcome, like let's say with podcasting, if you want to be like so focused and be like, I'm gonna make money out of this. Yeah, it's okay to work towards that. But you will get disappointed in many moments. So if you're not going through the the journey and thinking and finding low joys in between that you're gonna end up disappointed and Nothing hurts more than being disappointed. You know, when your job like, you hate hearing from your parents, the whole disappointment. And so when you're going through life, and you keep you reminiscing, or reflecting on the disappointment, it's just like going back to childhood and being disappointed that you heard it from your kids, right? So I try not to be disappointed I to find happiness and what I'm doing on a day to day basis, but I guess I would tell my younger self to be surrounded by good people and never be attached to outcome. Yeah,

Malini Sarma:

that's a that's a tough one. You know, because we're, we're programmed to like, Okay, how do we get Oh, what's your score going to be? How many downloads you're going to get how you know, how much money are you going to make? It's always that so that is that is a tough one but it's important. Because you know that doesn't, that doesn't define your happiness, right? So you are now an entrepreneur, you're a podcast host you work in your family business you write, among other things. So what advice would you want to give other young women who want to become an entrepreneur? What would you tell them? What's your top three? If you have top three or more

Bea:

number one is reading. I cannot focus on your consumption diet. I know we love watching reality shows there are you know, trash on TV that we love, even eating bad food as power, like fun. But I would say number one is your consumption diet, read, it will save your life, get tired, watch a documentary, watch a film, but listen to music, but I can't express enough how powerful reading is and how it can really take away your perspective. I mean, not take away sorry, give you a fresher perspective. And secondly is you know, you're the sum of the five people you hang out with the most. And it takes, you know, you can always say, I'll keep one toxic person because you love them so much. But trust me take that one person out, then your entire life can change. And lastly is, um, journal, journal and walk a lot and find joy and not doing so much and be reflective of yourself. And I guess the last part is ask the big questions. It's annoying to ask yourself every day, what's the purpose of life, but

Unknown:

do it?

Bea:

It might make you change. I guess those three things for me is like trying to always refresh your perspective. And I have to add one more thing. Sure. Good food.

Unknown:

Yeah, real food that

Bea:

makes you happy.

Unknown:

Absolutely. Yeah. You know,

Malini Sarma:

thank you. I really appreciate your taking the time to talk to me today. You know, once for someone so young, you have such an amazing perspective on life. It's like you, you've gone through so much, even though you're so young. And I really, I'm really, you know, impressed by how you're looking at life because it has taken me forever to even think about things like that. So, good luck to you. I know your show is amazing. And I wish you the very best of luck and thank you